Audrey's swing

Favourite time
Usual spot

Two lines firmly holding
the seasoned wood

That she sits on


just.
swings slow




As musings bring soft shine to the aurorean dusk
Bringing back from childhood to childhood
Timely sorrows and bliss

A pair of simple eyes
Looking from dust to varying sky

Rainy sunday class

"Hope
Is like love
It comforts all your drops
and promises to fulfill the need
in your breath of wishes"

A lento translation along the little streams outside
In a 11-year old contained, words that caught more than earthly gold.


Under my weakened roof,
not remembering the historical class,
of simple truths, then.

but now



Take me,
and restore the already repossessed keys,
divine kinship with Thee.









It's not so rainy

Veranda

downcast eyes



be not.


fountainhead of a thousand ways,
Place for you
even in a million stars.

Dance shoes

It is dark at night.

Laden in the shoes closet,
A minute ago,
Just a pair of pluvious leather..

and hanging by the side,
a wet coat lactating beads,
like lone, forlorn pearls,
looking to frigid air's swarthiness,

and she switched on the light.


After so long
Switching on the same old song,
After a week's leave,
Sweeping the dust off ballroom floor,
Thinking of first dance's memories,
Replaying across her eyes..

"One-two one-two one-opps!"
Sheepish grin,
she stepped on daddy's foot,
"no, no,
you're not getting any ice-cream
until you get this right,"
He smiled, yet firm..



And fast-forwarding,
a few years on,
more than a decade later..

She forgot about her first place in competition,
went to New York to be an attorney,
forgo the only thing father left her,
The dancing shoes that gave her grace and life..

The old song plays on..

And so,
In the winter night,
She dried her eyes,
Trying to recall her steps,

Gradually dancing,
like once, in the first clap of the father,
like once, when she felt the sweet warmth
amidst the chatters and laughters,
Remembering the bliss when he said to mom,
"She danced like a pretty butterfly."


Moving with strength and grace,
while snowflakes fly,
a night spent dancing to the song,
'autumn night fireflies'.

Do take care of yourself

Do take care of yourself
In the dawn of common chores in life
When the world seems confined

Do take care of yourself
In the obscure, fleeting moments
When time passes faster
Accentuate and engulfed, in busyness and stress

Do take care of yourself
In the sink of a golden sunlight
When a candle seems smaller
Threatened to be diminished by even the moonlight

Always remember the bread,
and the giver of life.

Sunset and lowly

It was sunset and lowly
sitting on a concrete log in my playground
Hoping and remembering
A past and the future
So unsure and hard to grasp
like my hair, then, to my hand and wind
Of the ways it is going to be
The unchanging setting and rising
and variations of everyday sky

It's so warm out there and lonely
depending on what ground I look to
Wishing and waiting
a choice and the pasture
How sure is my smile, or gasp
like my neighbor, by nature
The hearts that is to meet

Sometimes in these sentimental moments
I can't help but dwell in feelings
A concrete log, two lone swings
three old trees and a pile of leaves
When you're too old
to play with your hair or cry through the seams
Is this all that is to be?

It is sunset and lowly
sitting on a concrete log in a playground
My legs are long enough to touch the ground
But are the eyes wide enough to see?
Soft enough to care?
The heart and ears
brave enough to listen and stay?

Is it still okay
to cry in my weaknesses?



So night came falling
all upon me
Left without choice
cringe in steelness
Lost my sight in people
Reeling in darkness

Sometimes in these situations
I can't help but wander in my own being
Just like before
A concrete log, two lone swings
three old trees and a pile of leaves
When you give up
and nothing you perceive
is life as you want it to be
But is this all that it seems?


It was sunset and lowly
My knees hit the ground
Pain struck my heart
But love spills over
When I embraced the only

Something called Love

Love
Sweet roses and long kisses,
Deep longing till the sun rises,
Songs of adoration said in sync,
With the lips, without voices.

Love
Like a child who saw her father,
Running towards, no falter,
Warm little embrace that reminds him of late mother,
Engraved in heart, forever.

Love
Sometimes spelled surrender,
The utter of a meek sorry,
Tears of trust from a worshipper,
Realisation of selfishness, me only.

Love
Patient, kind,
Does not envy or boast, not proud,
Not rude or self-seeking, not easily angered,
Keeps no record of wrongs,
Doesn't delight in darkness,
rejoices with the truth.

Always protects
Always trusts
Always hopes
Always perseveres


Something called love,
something that never fails.

Once and under

Once a exanimate being,
once a sweet sixteen,
under a dark moon,
under a sullen mood.

My insatiable quest
Questions and answers
Truth and love

Once a true person,
once tasted a glimpse,
under my own world,
under my imagination.

My simple collection
Jagged pieces
Broken strings
Impalpable essence
Intangible heart

Once a human,
once in real environment,
under my fagged skin,
under my head.

My many reasons
Safety and stubbornness
Wall and latches
Steel and windlessness

Once a momentary silence,
Once a surrender and assurance,
under my miry perception,
under the death of old.

My restored sight



Once a lifted hand,
Once awaited high,
under a slight grin,
over to a new life.

Snowflakes fly

Snowflakes fly

Outside my wide little windows,
Hush and a loud cheery cry,
Stream to my lily-white meadows,
Brimming joy in innocent eyes.



I run,
run,
run,
till breathless
in pure whiteness.




Clasp all my trues in both hands,
Snowball and wishes,
smiling, and gaze into silence.

The sometimes unnoticeable

I found myself walking again


On the old road
where what's left, are
lush greens, stale houses,
introspection, and skies.

and listening to my own steps
as it carries me further
While against the setting light
my tenacious shadow seems to disappear
getting an urge, to linger longer..
(chirps)

It doesn't take long to realise
Criss-crossing rainbows
across clouds growing darker
both brushing aside and being ignored,
contrasting beauty.

And below,
is like preparation for the grand evening awards
Rolls of carpets, let go
and slide like never before
with spills of shades of color
on cotton canvases
Welcoming the turnaround sun
by glowing and fading blushes
And also, welcoming the turnaround son
with wonderful hues of the Savior's blood

..





My steps go on, still listening
trying to hide my smile from the caressing wind
Maybe everything really turns out good
for those who love,
after all.
Hope has in me, a future memory.





I found myself walking again

Savior in my eyes

Don't shut your eyes
when my blood flows thicker

When their dilated pupils curse
and throw up uncircumcised laughters

When the strain licks up my wound
and darkness pours pure pain as sympathy

Heavy sins wear me down
tearing up my tissue as I cry aloud
Like a slicing sharp knife
running it's routine around palm
barely visible air polluted by agony
Lighten my palm and got bitten
by excruciation in the leg

Blood and children
All I see

Last anguish,
cry of love.

(Saved)

My day (with grace)

is like a spate
of either rain, snow, grace
I could choose.


I chose grace,
and started dancing in the gray rain
and I could hear myself laugh.

I chose grace,
and saw color in white houses
and I could deal with pain.

I chose grace,
and felt love in lonely moments
and I could listen to the heartbeat again.

I chose grace,
and bumped into my Dad's assurance
and I could let out, cry again.

I chose grace,
and threw away my cynical unbelief
and open wide my arms
and learn to smile again.

I chose grace,
and stopped being someone else
and be His child again.

I chose grace,
and saw the right perspective
and walked straight.




I chose grace,

and still, will be happy
If I were to
live this life again.

Make it

Will I?
will i?

From eyes that cast upon shadows
of a twenty-two year doubt
in the midst of mist
that ever surrounds and consumes
even the apt skull

I sat in many spaces
witnessed all four seasons
lived quiet and loud

Yet to forecast which side of the boat
should I cast on
'Cause I missed the mark again

But You made me stand up
to look pass the seams that
tangle my world in water
to feel your warm hand in winter

You hold my heart till sunset
And in a starry sky
in silent colors of your creation
and awesome wonders in hue




You whisper
with unspeakable love in your eyes

a promise that stays true
a future that never lies

Intricacies of imperfection

Deep down in the stillness
Where myself isn't reflected in mirrors
Footsteps, known
Creaking slightly as it make way
to the source of tears
Ailing darkness

When the curtain is drawn
Hope, blown
Cries of wind beseeching dawn
I heard you calling me as your own
Reaching out cross the throne

If I could hold on, hold you
To the cause to yield
I'll mirror the one
who made all things new

Betrayed feelings

The simple sound of complexity
As a falling leaf
and a obscure heart
can be the same

Stay levelheaded, think logic?
Create in yourself all the imaginations and possibilities
and stare at lamentable thrown aways
There's nothing much to talk about
There's so much to talk about
to say to
When you tell me a way of whispering
from heart to heart
but it never happens, it never will
doesn't matter, will?


Fly me up to wherever distance
against time and conscience

There's no music or dance
But a full bench
With two empty spaces to sit on

Lullaby

they filled in as he sang

(soft rain)
(tender thunder)
(warm chill)

In the closing corners of the window
of my room, of my soul

(light roof rattle)
(God's quiet camera flash)
(gentle winds)

Leafs, graceful dancing
The all-so-still toddler furniture

Lying there
Drifted

(waves)

Let go the grip to see his smile


"Close your eyes my little dear
There is nothing else to fear
I will watch you when you sleep
Your love I will ever keep"




(forever goes on)

Say

This
This is
This is it
This is the truth
I
I am
I am to
I am telling you now


The story
of love it once is
A sacrifice
of a man for his passion
The muse
of a thousand reasons
A confession
over a million actions
All coming together now, tearing away


and I, got so confused
So many questions, different facets of truths,
Gnawing humans.
How am I supposed to tell?


He held my hand across the line
we sat on darkened grasses
wishing for hope to streak across the bleak sky

Can love be ever so kindly
don't hurt him like tarnished glasses
seeping through his heart from my eyes

Can love be ever so gently
refrain the separation through strings
of sadness, twisting freedom,
bloody uncertainty whirling, tort?




"Say",
he said.


Silent thunder
Beautiful stars hidden
And then,
the sky cried.

Ice-cream & Spoon

I run screaming delight
See dad's big, big smile
In his hands is the bestest thing
great, great ice-creams &
a silver spoon longer than my palm

Hug him so tight
Give him the first scoop
His face making it so delicious
I take the second scoop
Run to mommy in the garden

"Mommy! Mommy!"
Holding the heavy cup panting
Holding my treasure in place
Dripping bliss all over the place

"Oh, eat it mommy!"
The dessert's melting to your sweet sultry voice
"Omigosh, this is good!"
Sweet mommy, sweet beauty.
"Oh, quick, mommy!"
Pleased to grab the spoon again
It's my turn.

I can't wait
Dig into the deepest ever
Enthralled by the imagination thereafter
Lift the silver


Tasted a mouthful of melting glory
Tasted a lifefull of love

Unseen prayers

Silent knives from nowhere
seeping through my heart
and bring my eyes away
from the first place of traces
blood and tears
to the last base of your hopelessness
dreading the drawing by hungry serpents
of a outline of you
like after death

It's that hard to see you going down

So I pleaded
even though knees don't harden
they still feel.
"Save him! Save her!"
Leaving my ignorance for His passion
Squeeze my last breath for
assurance of your new life

-----------------------------------------


Rushing forward the battlelines
Face the fear of bullets
Draw the sword
Bring light into darkness

Your works left rippling
strengthening weak hearts who became warriors
they keep running
straining, tearing each muscle
while holding the torch.

Beautiful 13

I woke up abruptly
like being awakened by bad dreams
turned on the radio
and Bethany walked by singing
while I stared at monster screen

"I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me"

killing me? it's strangling like insecurity!
I know it's young and probably stupidity
But can't help it, can I?

"Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life"

Who is that girl in front of me
who doesn't look exactly like I think it should be
I squinted
stroking that hair from Mars
and mouthed along the words

"I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heat,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful"

yeah, just like that. all i want, for now, yea.
To shake hands with that girl in the screen
To embrace my inner beauty
if there's any

"Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory"

jumping back to bed
bouncing like crazy

"You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful"

Yeah
Beautiful, probably
Smiling to the silhouette
of a butterfly I'm going to be
Maybe my future's worth looking forward to

okay
I'm ready for 1st day of 7th grade
I'm really ready

Broken calluses

I thought it would be like this
I thought I would, tall enough
I thought I would get through these
I thought I would, strong and tough

brokenfallbrokenfall
without reason
broken, fall

or is it so
where my nerves don't feel

where am i now

weeping to the tunes of the ulterior?
looking under my eyes wondering?
living my world in wonderland?
succumb to mundanity?

Do you heal wounded calluses
Do you see my shut-eyes blind
If life is much more than i expected
why can't i leave behind

Do you hold all the answers
is waiting a game
Do you hear my prayers
...

Logic. faith

dust. sneeze
morn. wake
water. swim
love. have
faith. see
logic. norm
pain. dread

dust. sweep
morn. sing
water. walk
love. give
faith. quake
father. is
hope. be
life. Live

Pretty dark night

Pretty dark night
"let it be"
Muttered glasses of wine
Lightly touching each other
and sing of cheer at the whine of others

I join in
Drink in, pour out, together
Ignoring limestones and stop creating another
I lose pace with myself

lose, lost
forgot to take off the cloak that worn around my heart
so lost
I am contented with nothingness
and still be full of 'gladness'


Sudden stop


all hands loosen and glasses cringe
all fell to the ground
can't hold back my tears
at the wailing of a child
in a manger beside our fears

Playground

It is all in summer's view
It is flooded with thrills
Sweet laughters fill

Riding up, riding down
Swinging, side to side
Smiling, eat to ear
Hopping around, running
no end

Flying without wings
Driving the biggest truck in town
Catching thieves, shooting birds
Wander in wonderland
Fighting with Peter Pan
I thought I saw her
trying to bake cookies with leaves

Jane owns the beautiful castle
and gabbles happily
sounded better than my cookies.
But I can't make friends with sands
They don't hold themselves for me

Joanne can climb the fastest
Michelle, ran the swiftest
Rachel, prettiest
Me, loudest, what?...
Loudest?
No, i am quiet
but sigh the loudest

Why
I don't have anything that stands out
I can't spell "excel"
I can't surpass my second-rate cells
why
(sigh)
I don't even have funny jokes to tell

She sat at the side and thoughts
run around in circles

Time's up
at the sound of daddy's scooter
She hops on, as usual
Head home



You should have seen the other kids' faces
How they longed to have a dad
that has a scooter and time too

Maybe there's a lesson to be learnt for everyone
hmm, don't know, I am not sure
But I've tasted the best cookies
it's baked with leaves

She is

Careful with your steps
calls out daddy
she flutters off and filled the beach
with colors
and the sun ever so loving
making even her shadow outshining
the gray

All that she had, she ran
but fell
beautiful traces of sand evolved to
past memories
and the body drags itself nearer
to the sea

Maybe I should stop now
at twenty steps
and rest my hands on rough sands
She opened her eyes
saw daddy's hand

Bring me to a better land
"Hold my hand", he said
She grab tightly
making the rest history

Delicate yet strong, beauty
now, she is
treading on seas

My testimony

wat u always say i understand only in e head n i got so boged down by every niche & pinch in life that i realise i dun know u at all it gets worse when i isolate myself fr u n every depression starts happenin n i tot i could take it until it gets worse n leaving seems to b e best thing to do

my heart crushed beyond recognition and see darkness as light hope left to be a sweet fiction written in all endings to give myself false comfort and not to scare other else it all goes on just as what worse can be and thoughts starts juggling bottles that spilled unforgiveness coupled with suicide and in the heart of rebellion every boiled liquid mixes up confusion plans formed in the air off the shelf a dummies guide to fly away from life

Try to be, near or far,
Everydayazombie
Smile my doom to church, perfect, so it seems.

at home always alone nursing hurt like grudge and thought it's nothingness brings me to the conclusion that maybe full stop is the possible solution that in all things won't find true remedies things like seeking favor in people do thing to get myself out of myself indulgence in daily routines to prove wrong the existence of problems even time spent with best friends offers only longer temporary solace

until we met



No stranger to see
Why a God will rush down to embrace me
Showed a plan, hope in Him
Act with love, free indeed

That in all gloriously protective facade,
You know the wounded child in me.
No matter how far I drifted,
I'm always in your eyes.
You love me,
Beyond masks, abilities
Beyond words, rubies

In true dependence you grant true strength
in openness you give mercy

No longer stranger
You are to me

No longer stranger
Author of the biography I live

Life without the G chord

eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
sleep.


so?

The prettiest things I see (revamp)

The prettiest things I see
is not blissful endings in tv
Bed of roses that mold fresh clay of minds
into make-believe
Not brave, handsome masks
that put up a bold display
Winning accolades, swooning honour

But the gentle hands that cradle
the cry from featherbeds
Solace that speaks silence in volume to
tear of a tear
The touch that patches up wallpapers
down teary memory hallway
A beat of the heart that pounds
courage to fragile skins
The swiftness of grace that loosens
the grip on furnace's trigger
A warm hug from the love
that promises strength in weakness
The sweet, obscure trail of legacy
left by people who called themselves ordinary.

Stupid scribbles

I pace across faces
not lifting an eye
paint over facades
hurting their eyes
piping peers with narrow stripes
stripping image with selfish pride
all that I do
imperceptible
gosh
is that me?

Him

death devouring
crimson sky
as He hung there crucified
the greatest true story
of love magnified



----------------------------

we plough life
sweat pass time,
stumble in weakness
weep through the night

help us to be

stronger in line
look pass time
trip into mercy
sing through the night


--------------------------


Lift your cap
Throw away the sighs
Raise your head
See, sunset skies

Goodnight, darkness
Farewell, haltering spies
Crawls in security
Kiss sorrow goodbye

The Train

I sat
squeezing beside me, is time
I see
underneath above me, was time

slow bullet
hardly penetrating exhaustion
it brought us
through tunnel
starting in darkness, ending, light

gave me space
hang my head in silence
..

it stopped in a split second
hushed me to another
new world

(everyday)

Daddy Why

Daddy,
why is it dark at night?
why stars shine at night?
why I can't see anything when it's dark?

Dad,
is it normal to have a father?
why Jane cried when I asked
where's her dad?

See, you're holding my hand again
are you afraid to cross the road?
why don't cars stop & give us a ride?


Daddy,
can we have ice-cream today?
why can't I have ice-cream everyday?
why will I get sick?

Why do you need to work everyday?
can you work at the playground?
then I can see you happy

Look daddy,
Diamond necklace
Jane gave it to me
Do i look like mommy?

Is mommy coming today?

Is that so?

shooting stars, falling houses
making seemingly ideal wishes into misery realities
Is that so?

lone

Lone sits in a corner
When no one bothers
Looking like a cave
No touch yet chafed
Never heard of grace
Let alone faith

What am I

Not conforming
to the style of dignity
Not revealing
the taste og honest deformity
Not saying
the moan of a despicable heart
Not trying
to convince liar, sympathy, truth
Not singing
the song of tempestuous weeping
Not seeing
the beauty of life's scenery

just [ empty ]








Lift your cap
Throw away the sighs
Raise your head
See, sunset skies


Goodnight, darkness
Farewell, haltering spies
Crawls in security
Kiss sorrow goodbye





Pick up strings of hope
Lace into your shoes
Tie with courage
Stand tall
Run

Beach Sky

It's seven
and You began

slowly, red stepping down
lightening, orange over pale white
slipping and sliding in betweens
big blue canvas leaning against
curls lapping fine particles
emblazon, up above, in hues
silent wonder

hey, children's playing under Your breath
You bent to embrace
dyed them, with bliss
anymoe for me, in Your pallette?
I'm a lil' tired of sinking in, brooding loud
a lil' jaded, maybe
dunno


cottons turned scarlet darkness
Your rested brushes dripping leftovers
color fading
still beauty

It's seven thirty-five
please don't stop painting
i still need You
even after the
beach meeting my sky

Autumn

Autumn
like fading glory over fatigue trees
befalls in winks of my infinity
recedes, reds of orangish petals
like nature's final independence
from the perennial body

I, was still, still am
in the fog of mine, and it came
bringing my hair in a song
dancing to the rustling beauty
to the gentle gush, effusion

set my feet flying
scramble knee-deep brown reds
bring to life, the bliss of
innocent wonder

goes on and on..
under the gorgeous sun
under the shower of leaves
under daddy's laughter
over granny's grin

A decade after my first breath,
I was ten.




still ten.

Null

Climbing mountains and falling into valleys
leaping into the sky and face ground

walking the path and trip on snakes
weaving dull hope with old scissors
waking, dreaming, or reverie
still counting reality that counts me

fear seeps out tired veins
wounded eyes cry foul
looming darkness creation see
yet invisible starry sky

tears leak through cracked door
love, waiting eagerly
penetrated hands picking up
scattered scarlet petals
gently healing muffled stutter
bringing worth to crumpled me

priceless of all uselessness
You see

If

if thoughts could just fly out of our minds
and smack right into pages
will the library of books survive?

if you remember your precious collection
stamps of priceless & worthless memories
will you smile at it, or will you cry?

if we could experience time and life
long before again and a blink after
will our stand still stand?

if your soul is transparent to mine
and i could hear you
even if your heart performs a pantomime
will you still be you?

Celestial tears

fell like rain, clouding feelings and sight
Close isolation walls, three, almost
bursting. Sliding glasses, two,
Broke down waterfall down balcony

He pulled out his pain and shoot her heart
Stucked at the bottom, tearing apart
Chose not to forget you, said he
Your words struck me, said her
He/she ask/discover for/of
Wonder wounded love - true identity?

Is it worth
Celestial tears

Untitled Me

Lift up your convenient hand
Mutter the shout of triumph
Smile, and make everyone happy
Jump, like an aimless soul

Cheap god, crumpled me
If I have a heart, i'll give it to you
In my world you don't even try to exist
and thanks for making a deplorable me

Dear..whatever,
did you hear the sighs
echoing throughout my history?
did you listen to the tearing pages
of my hidden story?
Do you see
the invisible in me?

The show's over, everybody's gone
Maybe I should start sweeping, floor by floor
Ground floor first, plain facade
1st floor, beautiful design
2nd floor, fascinating ornaments
3rd floor, cobwebs everywhere
4th floor, scattered scribbled notes
5th floor, bloody graffitis
6th floor, vivid, dark creatures
It goes higher, it sinks deeper
Like a bruised orphan
cry myself back to the backstage
Lock the door
forever

I shall see no one again
I shall die a complete slut
I will smash all the light bulbs
and expression will be just worthless pain
Who's there to listen anyway?

The Prettiest Thing I See

The prettiest thing I see, is not
Happy ads on TV
Prancing horses that make-believe
Dancing bears that spray
Sparkling dust on fresh clay

Not
Brave, handsome masks
That put up a bold display
Winning accolades, swooning honor

But the gentle hands that cradle
a baby's cry
A comfort that speaks silence in volume to
tear of a tear
The touch that mends wallpapers
down memory's hallways
A beat of the heart that resonates
hope to dying chords
The swiftness of grace that loosens
the grip on furnace's trigger
A warm hug from the love
that promises a blissful ending

The little boy

one day i saw this little boy on the street
holding a stack of books including a thick dictionary
backbone heavy with a bag
load with direction and hope
he looked upon a basketball field & grass courts
covered with orange red sunlight
admiring the beauty of creation
thoughts urged him to wonder about tomorrow
what will he be
hoping to see a person whom he look up to


i feel like telling the boy
that sometimes things will not be
what it seems to be
but time held me

i blinked
and saw him walking on the street again
this time he's wearing green long pants
backbone not that heavy
load with direction and despair
i walked to him and ask what's wrong
he said "nothing, but i don't know
whether i've made the right choice"
sunlight's still the same
admiring old trees with delight

opps..i blinked
the boy asked me why am i
still standing by his side
i said i blinked
and he said next time don't try
the boy wanted to smile but wanted to hide
no more green pants much more sight
"flying should make me satisfied"
maybe he's right
still the same old sunlight
watching freed figures with delight

blinked again
the boy realised that being big isn't that great
flying just made him temporarily satisfied
his childhood wishes
not that true
i tapped him from the back
gave him a slight fright
he asked, "are you who i think you are?"...
sunlight's still the same
hugging him with delight

blinked
the boy looked down
while walking the old street
i cried
he didn't notice the basketball field & grass courts
he didn't notice the sunlight
he didn't notice me
i tapped him on the shoulder
he shrugged it off
still the same sunlight,
hugging dreams with delight?

blinked once more
the boy felt the dark and can't see
i yelled
he became deaf
i tried to burn the walls around his mind
dreams clouded pain sliced in
he walked back home
still in the dark

sitting on the sidewalk
i imagined if things would be
what it seems to be
but shadow's laughter bothered me
it hints something

i blinked
the boy had no strength
he shut out from me
he was crawling on cold road hoping to see
basketball field and green courts
he burst out cursing his tears and me
"why can't i see?"
sunlight's still the same
and now it's shining on him

i blinked again
the boy picked up his heart and it dances with him
he sang a song worth everything
i danced together with him too
sunlight seem to give him
the courage to leap across mountains again
storms will become bigger and i warned him
his grin told me not to worry
sunlight's still the same
assuring me that the boy won't be lame

i blinked
the boy is nauseated after the first rollercoaster ride
more is yet to come
i whispered to him that once upon a time
there was a boy holding a stack of books
including a thick dictionary
backbone heavy with a bag
load with direction and hope
this boy turn around and saw me
"are you who i think you are?"

i smiled
and blinked again

still the same sunlight
watching over him with delight

In This Big City Mind of Mine

In this big city mind of mine
I'm walking amidst disgruntled people
who never watch at shooting stars
nor gaze at simple innocence
and i criticise loudly with silence
yet falling together
with them

In this big city mind of mine
children help scooping selfishness
out of adolescence
teenagers force false respect
out of old boys & girls
adults learning righteously fake selflessness
I laughed insanely with decency
yet crying together
with them

In this big city mind of mine
I'm driving through piles of cars
bulldozing every known vehicle
that deliberately knocked off liberating boundaries
witnesses cheer approvingly but look depressed
numbness stood together
with them

Why do thoughts never follow the rules
Why does simplicity deceive
Why does logic fight with common sense
In this big city mind of mine

simply shift?

Infatuated young girl

It's a dream come true,
to her horror.

"Think clear think clear think clear think...
blur, no! Thinkclearthinkclearthinkclearthinkclearthink...CLEAR
Take a deep breath, breathe deeply
You still have yourself in your own hands,
Kristy."

She calmed herself down
Pulled herself back from floating to the sky

"Here he is, nearer and nearer, what now? What to do now?!"
He seemed to be walking in a black tuxedo, reaching out across the aisle.

Suddenly she felt ashamed of secrets
Erasing the permanent fantasy of
the perfect home, perfect wedding
her gown's design, their children's names
Scribbles in every notebook, of
her first name, with his last.

"He's smiling at you, Kristy"
whispered Jane to my melting ears.

Quick, tie her! Do it, now!
Kidnapped the exuberant child in her
Threatening heartache if ransom not made
She tried not to, but can't help to see
that he sees that she sees him naturally natural.

Forced against the whirlwind in her crowded mind
"Smile, Kristy, you can do it!"

She started hating herself
for being so plain
Can't stop curling her hair all over the world

He walked past.

Dream dashed again,
to her horror, as usual

Rubberband Trip and Thoughts

(Okla)


The wheels came to a halt
A click of an unfamiliar door
the thud of suitcase
and the beat of a foreign heart

sweeping across the extraneous, gorgeous landmarks
Trying to find something that matches the
sweet Sooner State smell
the red leafs collected
the watermarks made

Reminiscing
The sheer wonder and laughters of childhood
(Where I still have my Mikey teddy bear
Where I still have to scold nasty Alexander the toad
for calling him Mikey the castrated gay bear)
Where broomsticks can vanish into space
Lego toys talk, boys stink
Dolls and teddy bears have a family life
Where a smile is a smile
Where dreams can actually fly

Then the assumed horrors of zits
Encumbering swarm of bees
Designer coffee in Walker Avenue
And the unspoken heart that writes


Awoke
In a demeaning room, worn out gravitas
just for two forever weeks
or a couple of days out of a cheap, fun itinerary
In awe and comparing Rome with OK
and thinking of an old dream that came true
but never as sweet as home.


(homa)

Grown-up and Child in gallery

(click) (click)
(footsteps)
(silent mutterings)
..



Those ideas and pictures
maestri, virtuosos, poets, photographers
artists, composers, writers, directors.
The incessant questions and exploration of
creative life and frail humanity.

Licking sundae too close to your mouth
would draw smiles from big adults.



A picture could convey more than a thousand words
branching into concepts that evince, accentuate beyond the surface
of what we think it was, is, or will be.
The depth of a stroke, the click of passion.


I like that dangling dog, looks like
Zoe's golden retriever,
he loves sausages.



The profound truth that a word means
the misery and disbelief of a stanza.
Compound of soul-searching elements,
Racial discrimination, humanism,
and animism, too. (gee)



Hey, look at that. That's nice.
Where?
Here. (points puny finger)
Oh, (some Kristy insignificant).
(drifts away)



"I like to sit by the second-floor window
and finger the cloudy sunset with my eyes

Dip the floating heart in the ocean
and let it pop back to the sky"




(click) (click)
(footsteps)
(silent mutterings)
..

Mind Talk

Seize the moment with a tongue
as so would a thousand words do
but don't

for it's worthless to compare darkness
of light's sinking abyss
consider the words that doesn't make sense
cause it does

white and the other mix
since you came around
wishing and washing my desires
like a perfect sand would do
when disappointments washes up

just take me to your white lite
a dancing lily in a world of dullness
spin me to the carousel
off straight smiles and true masks
i want to dwell in the inner
where no skin left unpeeled
no heart left impure
no life left untouched
no left
alright

Closer To You

Inhale life
Exhale love

It's been a long time
and now it began, again
blue waters gushing into
the green of my eyes
the clear vision of skies
the faint sight of glistening moon
and a feeling for nothing else than

To be closer to you,
in awe of lakeside glory.
To be alone with you,
in silence of your simple splendor.

I imagine myself
running my fingers across keys
just like him
with all that simplicity
that is ripped off in my city.
Singing my secret song
just like him
with all that sincerity
that is hidden in my intricacies.

To be closer to you,
in awe of the child's glory.
To be alone with you,
in wonder of your undying love.

And with all that I could say
could sing
could ever live

with all the mysteries waiting for me
the puzzle that never completes
with all the ifs, how, whys
the possibilities - anticipation or unforeseens
with all the questions and worries
the unanswered thoughts or prayers

All of me

I just want to sing
of a inborn longing

To be closer to you,
in awe of your ever mercy.
To be alone with you,
speechless, intimacy.



Closer, to you.

Flying ashes, sky

Remembering the days, gone
The days that took a lifetime to forget
a tear to remember

When my feet slipped
on a summer's mud
You came running, fell
and turned tears to laughter
while rolling together

Where I ran to the porch
at the sound of the ol' scooter
A ride for the beautiful Princess, you said
and made neighbourhood streets glee
against the jealousy of wind

My mind still sticks to the old clock
Soul still holding, edge of your sleeve
How could I live on
If I see ashes flying to the sky

My eyes in your world
Full of wonder and fun
and pain is just for a lesson
Yet never a moment
I tell you how much
how much..
Your love forms my heart

Streaking across the surface
Stained past the face
Red, covering black
slowly, dreadfully.
You went to the place
where tears are in vain
Mom must be happy
to see you again

The house felt empty without you
me too
How could I live on
Watching flying ashes,
to the sky

Fingers walking round and round the table
Mind wandering round and round the walls
I stroll among places
that I never go before

I could almost reach you
But you never want me to,
and hid a letter under the pillow
before ashes fly to the sky

You promised
a bigger hand will hold me
a bigger heart will love me
to spare hope
to wipe away fears
to live, to feel, to smile
To see
sky in flying ashes