Monday, November 19, 2007

Audrey's swing


Favourite time
Usual spot

Two lines firmly holding
the seasoned wood

That she sits on


just.
swings slow




As musings bring soft shine to the aurorean dusk
Bringing back from childhood to childhood
Timely sorrows and bliss

A pair of simple eyes
Looking from dust to varying sky



Monday, November 12, 2007

Rainy sunday class

"Hope
Is like love
It comforts all your drops
and promises to fulfill the need
in your breath of wishes"

A lento translation along the little streams outside
In a 11-year old contained, words that caught more than earthly gold.


Under my weakened roof,
not remembering the historical class,
of simple truths, then.

but now



Take me,
and restore the already repossessed keys,
divine kinship with Thee.









It's not so rainy





Veranda

downcast eyes



be not.


fountainhead of a thousand ways,
Place for you
even in a million stars.




Dance shoes

It is dark at night.

Laden in the shoes closet,
A minute ago,
Just a pair of pluvious leather..

and hanging by the side,
a wet coat lactating beads,
like lone, forlorn pearls,
looking to frigid air's swarthiness,

and she switched on the light.


After so long
Switching on the same old song,
After a week's leave,
Sweeping the dust off ballroom floor,
Thinking of first dance's memories,
Replaying across her eyes..

"One-two one-two one-opps!"
Sheepish grin,
she stepped on daddy's foot,
"no, no,
you're not getting any ice-cream
until you get this right,"
He smiled, yet firm..



And fast-forwarding,
a few years on,
more than a decade later..

She forgot about her first place in competition,
went to New York to be an attorney,
forgo the only thing father left her,
The dancing shoes that gave her grace and life..

The old song plays on..

And so,
In the winter night,
She dried her eyes,
Trying to recall her steps,

Gradually dancing,
like once, in the first clap of the father,
like once, when she felt the sweet warmth
amidst the chatters and laughters,
Remembering the bliss when he said to mom,
"She danced like a pretty butterfly."


Moving with strength and grace,
while snowflakes fly,
a night spent dancing to the song,
'autumn night fireflies'.


Do take care of yourself

Do take care of yourself
In the dawn of common chores in life
When the world seems confined

Do take care of yourself
In the obscure, fleeting moments
When time passes faster
Accentuate and engulfed, in busyness and stress

Do take care of yourself
In the sink of a golden sunlight
When a candle seems smaller
Threatened to be diminished by even the moonlight

Always remember the bread,
and the giver of life.


Sunset and lowly


It was sunset and lowly
sitting on a concrete log in my playground
Hoping and remembering
A past and the future
So unsure and hard to grasp
like my hair, then, to my hand and wind
Of the ways it is going to be
The unchanging setting and rising
and variations of everyday sky

It's so warm out there and lonely
depending on what ground I look to
Wishing and waiting
a choice and the pasture
How sure is my smile, or gasp
like my neighbor, by nature
The hearts that is to meet

Sometimes in these sentimental moments
I can't help but dwell in feelings
A concrete log, two lone swings
three old trees and a pile of leaves
When you're too old
to play with your hair or cry through the seams
Is this all that is to be?

It is sunset and lowly
sitting on a concrete log in a playground
My legs are long enough to touch the ground
But are the eyes wide enough to see?
Soft enough to care?
The heart and ears
brave enough to listen and stay?

Is it still okay
to cry in my weaknesses?



So night came falling
all upon me
Left without choice
cringe in steelness
Lost my sight in people
Reeling in darkness

Sometimes in these situations
I can't help but wander in my own being
Just like before
A concrete log, two lone swings
three old trees and a pile of leaves
When you give up
and nothing you perceive
is life as you want it to be
But is this all that it seems?


It was sunset and lowly
My knees hit the ground
Pain struck my heart
But love spills over
When I embraced the only

Something called Love


Love
Sweet roses and long kisses,
Deep longing till the sun rises,
Songs of adoration said in sync,
With the lips, without voices.

Love
Like a child who saw her father,
Running towards, no falter,
Warm little embrace that reminds him of late mother,
Engraved in heart, forever.

Love
Sometimes spelled surrender,
The utter of a meek sorry,
Tears of trust from a worshipper,
Realisation of selfishness, me only.

Love
Patient, kind,
Does not envy or boast, not proud,
Not rude or self-seeking, not easily angered,
Keeps no record of wrongs,
Doesn't delight in darkness,
rejoices with the truth.

Always protects
Always trusts
Always hopes
Always perseveres


Something called love,
something that never fails.



Once and under

Once a exanimate being,
once a sweet sixteen,
under a dark moon,
under a sullen mood.

My insatiable quest
Questions and answers
Truth and love

Once a true person,
once tasted a glimpse,
under my own world,
under my imagination.

My simple collection
Jagged pieces
Broken strings
Impalpable essence
Intangible heart

Once a human,
once in real environment,
under my fagged skin,
under my head.

My many reasons
Safety and stubbornness
Wall and latches
Steel and windlessness

Once a momentary silence,
Once a surrender and assurance,
under my miry perception,
under the death of old.

My restored sight



Once a lifted hand,
Once awaited high,
under a slight grin,
over to a new life.


Snowflakes fly


Snowflakes fly

Outside my wide little windows,
Hush and a loud cheery cry,
Stream to my lily-white meadows,
Brimming joy in innocent eyes.



I run,
run,
run,
till breathless
in pure whiteness.




Clasp all my trues in both hands,
Snowball and wishes,
smiling, and gaze into silence.



The sometimes unnoticeable

I found myself walking again


On the old road
where what's left, are
lush greens, stale houses,
introspection, and skies.

and listening to my own steps
as it carries me further
While against the setting light
my tenacious shadow seems to disappear
getting an urge, to linger longer..
(chirps)

It doesn't take long to realise
Criss-crossing rainbows
across clouds growing darker
both brushing aside and being ignored,
contrasting beauty.

And below,
is like preparation for the grand evening awards
Rolls of carpets, let go
and slide like never before
with spills of shades of color
on cotton canvases
Welcoming the turnaround sun
by glowing and fading blushes
And also, welcoming the turnaround son
with wonderful hues of the Savior's blood

..





My steps go on, still listening
trying to hide my smile from the caressing wind
Maybe everything really turns out good
for those who love,
after all.
Hope has in me, a future memory.





I found myself walking again


Savior in my eyes



Don't shut your eyes
when my blood flows thicker

When their dilated pupils curse
and throw up uncircumcised laughters

When the strain licks up my wound
and darkness pours pure pain as sympathy

Heavy sins wear me down
tearing up my tissue as I cry aloud
Like a slicing sharp knife
running it's routine around palm
barely visible air polluted by agony
Lighten my palm and got bitten
by excruciation in the leg

Blood and children
All I see

Last anguish,
cry of love.

(Saved)

My day (with grace)

is like a spate
of either rain, snow, grace
I could choose.


I chose grace,
and started dancing in the gray rain
and I could hear myself laugh.

I chose grace,
and saw color in white houses
and I could deal with pain.

I chose grace,
and felt love in lonely moments
and I could listen to the heartbeat again.

I chose grace,
and bumped into my Dad's assurance
and I could let out, cry again.

I chose grace,
and threw away my cynical unbelief
and open wide my arms
and learn to smile again.

I chose grace,
and stopped being someone else
and be His child again.

I chose grace,
and saw the right perspective
and walked straight.




I chose grace,

and still, will be happy
If I were to
live this life again.

Make it

Will I?
will i?

From eyes that cast upon shadows
of a twenty-two year doubt
in the midst of mist
that ever surrounds and consumes
even the apt skull

I sat in many spaces
witnessed all four seasons
lived quiet and loud

Yet to forecast which side of the boat
should I cast on
'Cause I missed the mark again

But You made me stand up
to look pass the seams that
tangle my world in water
to feel your warm hand in winter

You hold my heart till sunset
And in a starry sky
in silent colors of your creation
and awesome wonders in hue




You whisper
with unspeakable love in your eyes

a promise that stays true
a future that never lies

Intricacies of imperfection

Deep down in the stillness
Where myself isn't reflected in mirrors
Footsteps, known
Creaking slightly as it make way
to the source of tears
Ailing darkness

When the curtain is drawn
Hope, blown
Cries of wind beseeching dawn
I heard you calling me as your own
Reaching out cross the throne

If I could hold on, hold you
To the cause to yield
I'll mirror the one
who made all things new

Betrayed feelings

The simple sound of complexity
As a falling leaf
and a obscure heart
can be the same

Stay levelheaded, think logic?
Create in yourself all the imaginations and possibilities
and stare at lamentable thrown aways
There's nothing much to talk about
There's so much to talk about
to say to
When you tell me a way of whispering
from heart to heart
but it never happens, it never will
doesn't matter, will?


Fly me up to wherever distance
against time and conscience

There's no music or dance
But a full bench
With two empty spaces to sit on

Lullaby

they filled in as he sang

(soft rain)
(tender thunder)
(warm chill)

In the closing corners of the window
of my room, of my soul

(light roof rattle)
(God's quiet camera flash)
(gentle winds)

Leafs, graceful dancing
The all-so-still toddler furniture

Lying there
Drifted

(waves)

Let go the grip to see his smile


"Close your eyes my little dear
There is nothing else to fear
I will watch you when you sleep
Your love I will ever keep"




(forever goes on)

Say

This
This is
This is it
This is the truth
I
I am
I am to
I am telling you now


The story
of love it once is
A sacrifice
of a man for his passion
The muse
of a thousand reasons
A confession
over a million actions
All coming together now, tearing away


and I, got so confused
So many questions, different facets of truths,
Gnawing humans.
How am I supposed to tell?


He held my hand across the line
we sat on darkened grasses
wishing for hope to streak across the bleak sky

Can love be ever so kindly
don't hurt him like tarnished glasses
seeping through his heart from my eyes

Can love be ever so gently
refrain the separation through strings
of sadness, twisting freedom,
bloody uncertainty whirling, tort?




"Say",
he said.


Silent thunder
Beautiful stars hidden
And then,
the sky cried.


Ice-cream & Spoon

I run screaming delight
See dad's big, big smile
In his hands is the bestest thing
great, great ice-creams &
a silver spoon longer than my palm

Hug him so tight
Give him the first scoop
His face making it so delicious
I take the second scoop
Run to mommy in the garden

"Mommy! Mommy!"
Holding the heavy cup panting
Holding my treasure in place
Dripping bliss all over the place

"Oh, eat it mommy!"
The dessert's melting to your sweet sultry voice
"Omigosh, this is good!"
Sweet mommy, sweet beauty.
"Oh, quick, mommy!"
Pleased to grab the spoon again
It's my turn.

I can't wait
Dig into the deepest ever
Enthralled by the imagination thereafter
Lift the silver


Tasted a mouthful of melting glory
Tasted a lifefull of love




Unseen prayers

Silent knives from nowhere
seeping through my heart
and bring my eyes away
from the first place of traces
blood and tears
to the last base of your hopelessness
dreading the drawing by hungry serpents
of a outline of you
like after death

It's that hard to see you going down

So I pleaded
even though knees don't harden
they still feel.
"Save him! Save her!"
Leaving my ignorance for His passion
Squeeze my last breath for
assurance of your new life

-----------------------------------------


Rushing forward the battlelines
Face the fear of bullets
Draw the sword
Bring light into darkness

Your works left rippling
strengthening weak hearts who became warriors
they keep running
straining, tearing each muscle
while holding the torch.




Beautiful 13

I woke up abruptly
like being awakened by bad dreams
turned on the radio
and Bethany walked by singing
while I stared at monster screen

"I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me"

killing me? it's strangling like insecurity!
I know it's young and probably stupidity
But can't help it, can I?

"Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life"

Who is that girl in front of me
who doesn't look exactly like I think it should be
I squinted
stroking that hair from Mars
and mouthed along the words

"I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heat,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful"

yeah, just like that. all i want, for now, yea.
To shake hands with that girl in the screen
To embrace my inner beauty
if there's any

"Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory"

jumping back to bed
bouncing like crazy

"You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful"

Yeah
Beautiful, probably
Smiling to the silhouette
of a butterfly I'm going to be
Maybe my future's worth looking forward to

okay
I'm ready for 1st day of 7th grade
I'm really ready


Broken calluses

I thought it would be like this
I thought I would, tall enough
I thought I would get through these
I thought I would, strong and tough

brokenfallbrokenfall
without reason
broken, fall

or is it so
where my nerves don't feel

where am i now

weeping to the tunes of the ulterior?
looking under my eyes wondering?
living my world in wonderland?
succumb to mundanity?

Do you heal wounded calluses
Do you see my shut-eyes blind
If life is much more than i expected
why can't i leave behind

Do you hold all the answers
is waiting a game
Do you hear my prayers
...

Logic. faith

dust. sneeze
morn. wake
water. swim
love. have
faith. see
logic. norm
pain. dread

dust. sweep
morn. sing
water. walk
love. give
faith. quake
father. is
hope. be
life. Live




Pretty dark night



Pretty dark night
"let it be"
Muttered glasses of wine
Lightly touching each other
and sing of cheer at the whine of others

I join in
Drink in, pour out, together
Ignoring limestones and stop creating another
I lose pace with myself

lose, lost
forgot to take off the cloak that worn around my heart
so lost
I am contented with nothingness
and still be full of 'gladness'


Sudden stop


all hands loosen and glasses cringe
all fell to the ground
can't hold back my tears
at the wailing of a child
in a manger beside our fears

Playground

It is all in summer's view
It is flooded with thrills
Sweet laughters fill

Riding up, riding down
Swinging, side to side
Smiling, eat to ear
Hopping around, running
no end

Flying without wings
Driving the biggest truck in town
Catching thieves, shooting birds
Wander in wonderland
Fighting with Peter Pan
I thought I saw her
trying to bake cookies with leaves

Jane owns the beautiful castle
and gabbles happily
sounded better than my cookies.
But I can't make friends with sands
They don't hold themselves for me

Joanne can climb the fastest
Michelle, ran the swiftest
Rachel, prettiest
Me, loudest, what?...
Loudest?
No, i am quiet
but sigh the loudest

Why
I don't have anything that stands out
I can't spell "excel"
I can't surpass my second-rate cells
why
(sigh)
I don't even have funny jokes to tell

She sat at the side and thoughts
run around in circles

Time's up
at the sound of daddy's scooter
She hops on, as usual
Head home



You should have seen the other kids' faces
How they longed to have a dad
that has a scooter and time too

Maybe there's a lesson to be learnt for everyone
hmm, don't know, I am not sure
But I've tasted the best cookies
it's baked with leaves





She is

Careful with your steps
calls out daddy
she flutters off and filled the beach
with colors
and the sun ever so loving
making even her shadow outshining
the gray

All that she had, she ran
but fell
beautiful traces of sand evolved to
past memories
and the body drags itself nearer
to the sea

Maybe I should stop now
at twenty steps
and rest my hands on rough sands
She opened her eyes
saw daddy's hand

Bring me to a better land
"Hold my hand", he said
She grab tightly
making the rest history

Delicate yet strong, beauty
now, she is
treading on seas


My testimony

wat u always say i understand only in e head n i got so boged down by every niche & pinch in life that i realise i dun know u at all it gets worse when i isolate myself fr u n every depression starts happenin n i tot i could take it until it gets worse n leaving seems to b e best thing to do

my heart crushed beyond recognition and see darkness as light hope left to be a sweet fiction written in all endings to give myself false comfort and not to scare other else it all goes on just as what worse can be and thoughts starts juggling bottles that spilled unforgiveness coupled with suicide and in the heart of rebellion every boiled liquid mixes up confusion plans formed in the air off the shelf a dummies guide to fly away from life

Try to be, near or far,
Everydayazombie
Smile my doom to church, perfect, so it seems.

at home always alone nursing hurt like grudge and thought it's nothingness brings me to the conclusion that maybe full stop is the possible solution that in all things won't find true remedies things like seeking favor in people do thing to get myself out of myself indulgence in daily routines to prove wrong the existence of problems even time spent with best friends offers only longer temporary solace

until we met



No stranger to see
Why a God will rush down to embrace me
Showed a plan, hope in Him
Act with love, free indeed

That in all gloriously protective facade,
You know the wounded child in me.
No matter how far I drifted,
I'm always in your eyes.
You love me,
Beyond masks, abilities
Beyond words, rubies

In true dependence you grant true strength
in openness you give mercy

No longer stranger
You are to me

No longer stranger
Author of the biography I live

Life without the G chord

eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
eat sleep work play
sleep.


so?

The prettiest things I see (revamp)

The prettiest things I see
is not blissful endings in tv
Bed of roses that mold fresh clay of minds
into make-believe
Not brave, handsome masks
that put up a bold display
Winning accolades, swooning honour

But the gentle hands that cradle
the cry from featherbeds
Solace that speaks silence in volume to
tear of a tear
The touch that patches up wallpapers
down teary memory hallway
A beat of the heart that pounds
courage to fragile skins
The swiftness of grace that loosens
the grip on furnace's trigger
A warm hug from the love
that promises strength in weakness
The sweet, obscure trail of legacy
left by people who called themselves ordinary.

Stupid scribbles

I pace across faces
not lifting an eye
paint over facades
hurting their eyes
piping peers with narrow stripes
stripping image with selfish pride
all that I do
imperceptible
gosh
is that me?

Him

death devouring
crimson sky
as He hung there crucified
the greatest true story
of love magnified



----------------------------

we plough life
sweat pass time,
stumble in weakness
weep through the night

help us to be

stronger in line
look pass time
trip into mercy
sing through the night


--------------------------


Lift your cap
Throw away the sighs
Raise your head
See, sunset skies

Goodnight, darkness
Farewell, haltering spies
Crawls in security
Kiss sorrow goodbye

The Train


I sat
squeezing beside me, is time
I see
underneath above me, was time

slow bullet
hardly penetrating exhaustion
it brought us
through tunnel
starting in darkness, ending, light

gave me space
hang my head in silence
..

it stopped in a split second
hushed me to another
new world

(everyday)