Climbing mountains and falling into valleys
leaping into the sky and face ground
walking the path and trip on snakes
weaving dull hope with old scissors
waking, dreaming, or reverie
still counting reality that counts me
fear seeps out tired veins
wounded eyes cry foul
looming darkness creation see
yet invisible starry sky
tears leak through cracked door
love, waiting eagerly
penetrated hands picking up
scattered scarlet petals
gently healing muffled stutter
bringing worth to crumpled me
priceless of all uselessness
You see
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6 comments:
Oh wow this is so touching. The last line in particular stirred me.
Priceless of all uselessness
You see
And yes I do see. And sometimes I think only too well.
Excellent work :)
by VIVA_La_Katze
This is nice - I visited your web page, and you have some good stuff on there, too. Keep writing, put some of the fragments together, you seem to have some common themes, and the beginnings of some fantastic poetry.
I like "gently healing muffled stutter". Good rhythm. Your stuff is obviously very autobiographical - that's where the best of poetry lies, in my opinion.
by david_fiske
i think this is a poem i would have to hear read outloud to really appreciate. There is good stuff here, no doubt, but as a whole, i think it fails (though not miserably).
I think because no articles makes poem sound choppy nothing keeps together poem fails impress me.
Now if that was consistent throughout, it might be a different story, it would appear almost haiku like. But you seem to drop the articles at random points, like the first two line, you say "into valleys leaping into the sky and" "face ground". Im not sure what you are trying to accomplish by doing this. Maybe pull out the trash can and pick the articles back up, or just drop them in completely.
and there are places where the image isnt quite clear. While the sound of the poem is good, what the sound is saying isnt there (i.e. "still counting reality that counts me" or "penetrated hands picking up")
its a good read, and i think i like the last few lines as well.
sidney
very sad poem null. You wrote it well though. I think i need some prozac now.
by philosophical_fantasy
the emotions are well articulated but very sad. Remember, God is love!
by godchosenme
my 1st published poem, and one of the deepest & most meaningful.
last 2 paragraphs is about God.
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