fell like rain, clouding feelings and sight
Close isolation walls, three, almost
bursting. Sliding glasses, two,
Broke down waterfall down balcony
He pulled out his pain and shoot her heart
Stucked at the bottom, tearing apart
Chose not to forget you, said he
Your words struck me, said her
He/she ask/discover for/of
Wonder wounded love - true identity?
Is it worth
Celestial tears
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2 comments:
Nice. I liked the way you experimented with line breaks, rhythm, even switching verb tenses - it kept the tempo building.
I just wondered, do you really need the last 2 lines? The poem seemed stronger ending with "identity".
Keep writing.
Best wishes for success!
Cordially,
Nina M. Sherwood
www.giftedwriting.com
www.websitewrite.com
wrote this, about a love related conflict between my 2 friends.
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