Daddy Why

Daddy,
why is it dark at night?
why stars shine at night?
why I can't see anything when it's dark?

Dad,
is it normal to have a father?
why Jane cried when I asked
where's her dad?

See, you're holding my hand again
are you afraid to cross the road?
why don't cars stop & give us a ride?


Daddy,
can we have ice-cream today?
why can't I have ice-cream everyday?
why will I get sick?

Why do you need to work everyday?
can you work at the playground?
then I can see you happy

Look daddy,
Diamond necklace
Jane gave it to me
Do i look like mommy?

Is mommy coming today?

Is that so?

shooting stars, falling houses
making seemingly ideal wishes into misery realities
Is that so?

lone

Lone sits in a corner
When no one bothers
Looking like a cave
No touch yet chafed
Never heard of grace
Let alone faith

What am I

Not conforming
to the style of dignity
Not revealing
the taste og honest deformity
Not saying
the moan of a despicable heart
Not trying
to convince liar, sympathy, truth
Not singing
the song of tempestuous weeping
Not seeing
the beauty of life's scenery

just [ empty ]








Lift your cap
Throw away the sighs
Raise your head
See, sunset skies


Goodnight, darkness
Farewell, haltering spies
Crawls in security
Kiss sorrow goodbye





Pick up strings of hope
Lace into your shoes
Tie with courage
Stand tall
Run

Beach Sky

It's seven
and You began

slowly, red stepping down
lightening, orange over pale white
slipping and sliding in betweens
big blue canvas leaning against
curls lapping fine particles
emblazon, up above, in hues
silent wonder

hey, children's playing under Your breath
You bent to embrace
dyed them, with bliss
anymoe for me, in Your pallette?
I'm a lil' tired of sinking in, brooding loud
a lil' jaded, maybe
dunno


cottons turned scarlet darkness
Your rested brushes dripping leftovers
color fading
still beauty

It's seven thirty-five
please don't stop painting
i still need You
even after the
beach meeting my sky

Autumn

Autumn
like fading glory over fatigue trees
befalls in winks of my infinity
recedes, reds of orangish petals
like nature's final independence
from the perennial body

I, was still, still am
in the fog of mine, and it came
bringing my hair in a song
dancing to the rustling beauty
to the gentle gush, effusion

set my feet flying
scramble knee-deep brown reds
bring to life, the bliss of
innocent wonder

goes on and on..
under the gorgeous sun
under the shower of leaves
under daddy's laughter
over granny's grin

A decade after my first breath,
I was ten.




still ten.

Null

Climbing mountains and falling into valleys
leaping into the sky and face ground

walking the path and trip on snakes
weaving dull hope with old scissors
waking, dreaming, or reverie
still counting reality that counts me

fear seeps out tired veins
wounded eyes cry foul
looming darkness creation see
yet invisible starry sky

tears leak through cracked door
love, waiting eagerly
penetrated hands picking up
scattered scarlet petals
gently healing muffled stutter
bringing worth to crumpled me

priceless of all uselessness
You see

If

if thoughts could just fly out of our minds
and smack right into pages
will the library of books survive?

if you remember your precious collection
stamps of priceless & worthless memories
will you smile at it, or will you cry?

if we could experience time and life
long before again and a blink after
will our stand still stand?

if your soul is transparent to mine
and i could hear you
even if your heart performs a pantomime
will you still be you?

Celestial tears

fell like rain, clouding feelings and sight
Close isolation walls, three, almost
bursting. Sliding glasses, two,
Broke down waterfall down balcony

He pulled out his pain and shoot her heart
Stucked at the bottom, tearing apart
Chose not to forget you, said he
Your words struck me, said her
He/she ask/discover for/of
Wonder wounded love - true identity?

Is it worth
Celestial tears

Untitled Me

Lift up your convenient hand
Mutter the shout of triumph
Smile, and make everyone happy
Jump, like an aimless soul

Cheap god, crumpled me
If I have a heart, i'll give it to you
In my world you don't even try to exist
and thanks for making a deplorable me

Dear..whatever,
did you hear the sighs
echoing throughout my history?
did you listen to the tearing pages
of my hidden story?
Do you see
the invisible in me?

The show's over, everybody's gone
Maybe I should start sweeping, floor by floor
Ground floor first, plain facade
1st floor, beautiful design
2nd floor, fascinating ornaments
3rd floor, cobwebs everywhere
4th floor, scattered scribbled notes
5th floor, bloody graffitis
6th floor, vivid, dark creatures
It goes higher, it sinks deeper
Like a bruised orphan
cry myself back to the backstage
Lock the door
forever

I shall see no one again
I shall die a complete slut
I will smash all the light bulbs
and expression will be just worthless pain
Who's there to listen anyway?

The Prettiest Thing I See

The prettiest thing I see, is not
Happy ads on TV
Prancing horses that make-believe
Dancing bears that spray
Sparkling dust on fresh clay

Not
Brave, handsome masks
That put up a bold display
Winning accolades, swooning honor

But the gentle hands that cradle
a baby's cry
A comfort that speaks silence in volume to
tear of a tear
The touch that mends wallpapers
down memory's hallways
A beat of the heart that resonates
hope to dying chords
The swiftness of grace that loosens
the grip on furnace's trigger
A warm hug from the love
that promises a blissful ending

The little boy

one day i saw this little boy on the street
holding a stack of books including a thick dictionary
backbone heavy with a bag
load with direction and hope
he looked upon a basketball field & grass courts
covered with orange red sunlight
admiring the beauty of creation
thoughts urged him to wonder about tomorrow
what will he be
hoping to see a person whom he look up to


i feel like telling the boy
that sometimes things will not be
what it seems to be
but time held me

i blinked
and saw him walking on the street again
this time he's wearing green long pants
backbone not that heavy
load with direction and despair
i walked to him and ask what's wrong
he said "nothing, but i don't know
whether i've made the right choice"
sunlight's still the same
admiring old trees with delight

opps..i blinked
the boy asked me why am i
still standing by his side
i said i blinked
and he said next time don't try
the boy wanted to smile but wanted to hide
no more green pants much more sight
"flying should make me satisfied"
maybe he's right
still the same old sunlight
watching freed figures with delight

blinked again
the boy realised that being big isn't that great
flying just made him temporarily satisfied
his childhood wishes
not that true
i tapped him from the back
gave him a slight fright
he asked, "are you who i think you are?"...
sunlight's still the same
hugging him with delight

blinked
the boy looked down
while walking the old street
i cried
he didn't notice the basketball field & grass courts
he didn't notice the sunlight
he didn't notice me
i tapped him on the shoulder
he shrugged it off
still the same sunlight,
hugging dreams with delight?

blinked once more
the boy felt the dark and can't see
i yelled
he became deaf
i tried to burn the walls around his mind
dreams clouded pain sliced in
he walked back home
still in the dark

sitting on the sidewalk
i imagined if things would be
what it seems to be
but shadow's laughter bothered me
it hints something

i blinked
the boy had no strength
he shut out from me
he was crawling on cold road hoping to see
basketball field and green courts
he burst out cursing his tears and me
"why can't i see?"
sunlight's still the same
and now it's shining on him

i blinked again
the boy picked up his heart and it dances with him
he sang a song worth everything
i danced together with him too
sunlight seem to give him
the courage to leap across mountains again
storms will become bigger and i warned him
his grin told me not to worry
sunlight's still the same
assuring me that the boy won't be lame

i blinked
the boy is nauseated after the first rollercoaster ride
more is yet to come
i whispered to him that once upon a time
there was a boy holding a stack of books
including a thick dictionary
backbone heavy with a bag
load with direction and hope
this boy turn around and saw me
"are you who i think you are?"

i smiled
and blinked again

still the same sunlight
watching over him with delight

In This Big City Mind of Mine

In this big city mind of mine
I'm walking amidst disgruntled people
who never watch at shooting stars
nor gaze at simple innocence
and i criticise loudly with silence
yet falling together
with them

In this big city mind of mine
children help scooping selfishness
out of adolescence
teenagers force false respect
out of old boys & girls
adults learning righteously fake selflessness
I laughed insanely with decency
yet crying together
with them

In this big city mind of mine
I'm driving through piles of cars
bulldozing every known vehicle
that deliberately knocked off liberating boundaries
witnesses cheer approvingly but look depressed
numbness stood together
with them

Why do thoughts never follow the rules
Why does simplicity deceive
Why does logic fight with common sense
In this big city mind of mine

simply shift?

Infatuated young girl

It's a dream come true,
to her horror.

"Think clear think clear think clear think...
blur, no! Thinkclearthinkclearthinkclearthinkclearthink...CLEAR
Take a deep breath, breathe deeply
You still have yourself in your own hands,
Kristy."

She calmed herself down
Pulled herself back from floating to the sky

"Here he is, nearer and nearer, what now? What to do now?!"
He seemed to be walking in a black tuxedo, reaching out across the aisle.

Suddenly she felt ashamed of secrets
Erasing the permanent fantasy of
the perfect home, perfect wedding
her gown's design, their children's names
Scribbles in every notebook, of
her first name, with his last.

"He's smiling at you, Kristy"
whispered Jane to my melting ears.

Quick, tie her! Do it, now!
Kidnapped the exuberant child in her
Threatening heartache if ransom not made
She tried not to, but can't help to see
that he sees that she sees him naturally natural.

Forced against the whirlwind in her crowded mind
"Smile, Kristy, you can do it!"

She started hating herself
for being so plain
Can't stop curling her hair all over the world

He walked past.

Dream dashed again,
to her horror, as usual

Rubberband Trip and Thoughts

(Okla)


The wheels came to a halt
A click of an unfamiliar door
the thud of suitcase
and the beat of a foreign heart

sweeping across the extraneous, gorgeous landmarks
Trying to find something that matches the
sweet Sooner State smell
the red leafs collected
the watermarks made

Reminiscing
The sheer wonder and laughters of childhood
(Where I still have my Mikey teddy bear
Where I still have to scold nasty Alexander the toad
for calling him Mikey the castrated gay bear)
Where broomsticks can vanish into space
Lego toys talk, boys stink
Dolls and teddy bears have a family life
Where a smile is a smile
Where dreams can actually fly

Then the assumed horrors of zits
Encumbering swarm of bees
Designer coffee in Walker Avenue
And the unspoken heart that writes


Awoke
In a demeaning room, worn out gravitas
just for two forever weeks
or a couple of days out of a cheap, fun itinerary
In awe and comparing Rome with OK
and thinking of an old dream that came true
but never as sweet as home.


(homa)

Grown-up and Child in gallery

(click) (click)
(footsteps)
(silent mutterings)
..



Those ideas and pictures
maestri, virtuosos, poets, photographers
artists, composers, writers, directors.
The incessant questions and exploration of
creative life and frail humanity.

Licking sundae too close to your mouth
would draw smiles from big adults.



A picture could convey more than a thousand words
branching into concepts that evince, accentuate beyond the surface
of what we think it was, is, or will be.
The depth of a stroke, the click of passion.


I like that dangling dog, looks like
Zoe's golden retriever,
he loves sausages.



The profound truth that a word means
the misery and disbelief of a stanza.
Compound of soul-searching elements,
Racial discrimination, humanism,
and animism, too. (gee)



Hey, look at that. That's nice.
Where?
Here. (points puny finger)
Oh, (some Kristy insignificant).
(drifts away)



"I like to sit by the second-floor window
and finger the cloudy sunset with my eyes

Dip the floating heart in the ocean
and let it pop back to the sky"




(click) (click)
(footsteps)
(silent mutterings)
..

Mind Talk

Seize the moment with a tongue
as so would a thousand words do
but don't

for it's worthless to compare darkness
of light's sinking abyss
consider the words that doesn't make sense
cause it does

white and the other mix
since you came around
wishing and washing my desires
like a perfect sand would do
when disappointments washes up

just take me to your white lite
a dancing lily in a world of dullness
spin me to the carousel
off straight smiles and true masks
i want to dwell in the inner
where no skin left unpeeled
no heart left impure
no life left untouched
no left
alright

Closer To You

Inhale life
Exhale love

It's been a long time
and now it began, again
blue waters gushing into
the green of my eyes
the clear vision of skies
the faint sight of glistening moon
and a feeling for nothing else than

To be closer to you,
in awe of lakeside glory.
To be alone with you,
in silence of your simple splendor.

I imagine myself
running my fingers across keys
just like him
with all that simplicity
that is ripped off in my city.
Singing my secret song
just like him
with all that sincerity
that is hidden in my intricacies.

To be closer to you,
in awe of the child's glory.
To be alone with you,
in wonder of your undying love.

And with all that I could say
could sing
could ever live

with all the mysteries waiting for me
the puzzle that never completes
with all the ifs, how, whys
the possibilities - anticipation or unforeseens
with all the questions and worries
the unanswered thoughts or prayers

All of me

I just want to sing
of a inborn longing

To be closer to you,
in awe of your ever mercy.
To be alone with you,
speechless, intimacy.



Closer, to you.

Flying ashes, sky

Remembering the days, gone
The days that took a lifetime to forget
a tear to remember

When my feet slipped
on a summer's mud
You came running, fell
and turned tears to laughter
while rolling together

Where I ran to the porch
at the sound of the ol' scooter
A ride for the beautiful Princess, you said
and made neighbourhood streets glee
against the jealousy of wind

My mind still sticks to the old clock
Soul still holding, edge of your sleeve
How could I live on
If I see ashes flying to the sky

My eyes in your world
Full of wonder and fun
and pain is just for a lesson
Yet never a moment
I tell you how much
how much..
Your love forms my heart

Streaking across the surface
Stained past the face
Red, covering black
slowly, dreadfully.
You went to the place
where tears are in vain
Mom must be happy
to see you again

The house felt empty without you
me too
How could I live on
Watching flying ashes,
to the sky

Fingers walking round and round the table
Mind wandering round and round the walls
I stroll among places
that I never go before

I could almost reach you
But you never want me to,
and hid a letter under the pillow
before ashes fly to the sky

You promised
a bigger hand will hold me
a bigger heart will love me
to spare hope
to wipe away fears
to live, to feel, to smile
To see
sky in flying ashes